Posted:12/28/2006 1:33:22 AM EST Submitted: 11/20/2006 3:46:25 AM EST
Hey Taco, how do I get a girl with a BBH to break up with him? They are both freshmen in college, but their colleges are separated by about a 2 hour car ride.
Before I begin, I need to explain to our non-collegiate viewers that a BBH is a Boyfriend Back Home. Granted, in this case, the boyfriend is not at home, he is away at school.
This, however, is the key to your problem. The best way to tackle the BBH situation is the same as talking a girl into a threesome: alcohol.
First, get the girl into a situation where you can steadily pump her full of alcohol. Make sure that there are not too many people around, and for the love of God, make sure that the only others around are not better looking than you.
Second, once the object of your affection can't stand and is slurring her words, tell her that her BBH is most likely also at a party right this very moment, and is totally wasted, and is probably nailing some Freshman slut as you speak.
She will ask you if you really believe that, and you, of course, lie and say "yes." At this point she will probably be drunk enough to believe you and will begin to cry.
Now you console her. Hug her, rub her back gently, put her head on your shoulder, and mumble something that sounds vaguely reassuring, but not too reassuring. Keep this up as long as possible.
When the sobs finally subside, offer to walk her to her room, or if you can find a "reasonable" excuse, to yours. When you get there, walk her in to "make sure she is OK." Get her a glass of water to replace all those tears, sit on the bed and hand it to her.
Now you have her drunk, emotionally bare, and in bed. If you can't take it from here, then you are beyond my help.
Once you are "in," just be sure to be nice to her from there on out, and whenever you get her drunk, subtly say something that will make her feel insecure and unwanted, then do something to make her feel secure and wanted.
Wash, rinse, repeat, my friend. Wash, rinse, and repeat.
